Be careful what you ask for

...but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it  Hebrews 12:10b-11

I would much rather be talking about the great basketball game that they played, or asking how school was today or "how was dance practice?" 

Lately, it has not been these types of conversations. Sometimes (this is a duh statement), parenting is hard. 

And why is it that every time my kids make not-so-great choices, I look back to see where I went wrong. Do I not spend enough time with them? Do I not hug them enough? Do I not give them enough attention? 

Do I need to hire a 24/7 IT and video surveillance team to save them from themselves...?

And - then I remember the prayer. Not the "God, keep them safe today." Not the "God, surround them with good influences." Not the "God, please let them all just get along today." 

The big one: "God, let them become as influential to your kingdom as David, Moses, and the apostles." "God, let them be the biggest Christian voices and influencers of their generation." Yeah, I've prayed that. Often. 

Poof!! Like God is just going to magically turn them into Moses. That's what I expect; that's not how He does it. 

God allows those that he loves to fail. God allows them to hurt. God allows them to make dumb choices so they draw closer to Him. Moses killed a guy. David was a cheater and murderer. Peter was, well, Peter. 

And to watch them struggle with sin (as a parent) is painful. In order for my prayer to be answered, I will watch them be disciplined. I will watch them live with the consequences of their sins. Sometimes major consequences. And I will have to trust that God allows these things in order to answer my prayer.

That's ultimately what I've asked for, right? It's part of the package. Pray the big prayer; get the whole ugly answer.

Ok, and then it occurs to me that I'm clearly not good enough to raise kids that turn out like the heroes of faith. Like, who am I to even think that? But, I have to trust that God placed them in my care because I'm  exactly what they need to be Godly men/women of character. My own faults will bring about a desire for more in them -- I can't possibly be the perfect parent. If I were, they would have no need to seek Him. 

Parenting sometimes is awful. I'm not even in the thick of it. 

But deep down, I don't want a hedge of protection for them -- I don't want them to live in a bubble. I want them to rock this world for His glory. 

Be careful what you ask for...