Billie Jean

I was not a dog person.

In fact, I know some of you will roll your eyes and think "it's just a dog" while reading this. That's ok and I get it.

I was not anticipating being a dog owner when we got Billie Jean. We had just built our new house. I had three young kids. We had tried having pets over the years to which multiple random course of events would not let them work out. We just weren't cut out for dogs and that was fine.

I got a text from my husband's cousin as they had a litter of puppies that they were giving away for free. They live on a farm. Their corgi had gotten "knocked up" by a random neighbor's dog. Not part of their plan so they were trying to give away the puppies.

I politely said no. Then a "thanks, but no thanks." Then she sent the picture. Sucker.

I told myself that I would run over there to "just look." It would be good for my daughter to see her cousin I thought. It would be fun for her to play with the puppies. Just play with the puppies.

Upon arrival, Shawn said, "That one has a really good personality." Ok, this guy is a rodeo guy. Animals are his thing...because that's what he does for a living. And SHE WAS SO CUTE!

Once again. Such a sucker. I came home with her.

Pretty sure my husband's reaction was, "WHAT IS THAT?" To which I just smiled and said, "A puppy!"

It was the day after Michael Jackson's death. We named her Billie Jean.*

And so we had a puppy and three children ages 6, 5 and 1 in a brand spanking newly built home.

Billie Jean was a mix of Corgi and Australian Shepherd (we think). She was playful. Loved food. Hated to sit still to get her picture taken. Loved to wade in the creek. Caught moles like it was nobody's business.

When people came over, she would sit on their feet. In her mind, she was only 10 lbs. She actually was closer to 45-50. We didn't talk of her weight in front of her -- we didn't want her to feel self-conscious.

And then life threw a curveball two nights ago. Billie Jean had probably found some walkers and made her way out to the busy highway where she was hit.  

Which leads me to counting blessings once again. Because every good thing (Billie Jean's life) comes from God. I'm sure of it. Even in her death, which was quick and without suffering, I am thankful.

I'm not going to get in a debate as to whether or not dogs go to heaven. Hey - there's animals mentioned in Heaven, so who knows?! I like to think that Jesus is playing with her. And if Heaven is more awesome than our human minds can even imagine...I'm not discounting that she's not waiting there for us. BUT, what I do know is that she was created to be a joy and blessing in our lives here on Earth. And how cool is it that God does that?

8 years of blessing from one dog. God is so good. So blessed and thankful. 

 *Yes, we name all animals after current events. We got Maya during the Mayan Apocalypse in 2012 and most recent Prince in 2016. It's our thing.

Encouragement from Unlikely Places

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Hebrews 3:13

Like every Sunday, my daughter loves to show off the art project of the day that she worked on in Kids Church. This past Sunday, she handed me a pink card with drawings of hearts and blue letters.

“It’s for Tom” she said.

“Tom who?” I replied, thinking that it was likely her friend’s dad. Was he sick? Did something happen?

“Your friend Tom from school!” she said.

Let me back up for a moment...

I grew up in the city with a working parent who was not keen on the idea of having me be a latchkey kid. I was very blessed to have a family watch me at their home after school and in the summer. Their youngest son was Tom. We were the same age. We walked home from school together. We spent every summer together. His mom taught me how to crochet, fall in love with Days of Our Lives, and how to make Rice Krispy treats. I learned how to do a back walkover in the middle of their living room floor. They had all boys in their household – three in fact. I got a taste of what it was like to have brothers. Plus, the older two were in high school which was automatic bragging rights.

I moved from Indianapolis to country life in the middle of my 8^th grade year. Slowly, I lost touch with almost all of my elementary friends – and somewhat Tom. I did touch base with him a couple of times in high school to catch up. But thanks to social media, last year I was able to reconnect with my long lost friend and learn of his life, his family’s whereabouts, etc.

For my daughter, my previous life in the big city is quite mysterious. My husband and his family have lived in the same area where we are now raising our children. And since we live in a largely farm area, many families have lived there for generations. My daughter’s friends have parents that we went to school with. She attends the same school that my husband attended. My boys have some of the same teachers that we had in high school. It is very easy to take trips down memory lane – not only with her father, but with her grandparents as well.

Me on the other hand -- quite a different story. Since there are little references to my life at her age, she inquires incessantly about it. What was it like living in the city? Who were your friends? What did you like when you were my age?

So I shared the story of Tom and how we grew up together until I moved at age 13. As we viewed social media pics to put a name with a face, she realized that Tom was in a wheel chair. He had a diving accident a few years ago causing him to be paralyzed from the neck down.

Months and months pass…

And one day upon exiting Kids Church, she excitedly shoves the card in my hands and says, “It’s for Tom.”

As I sat and pondered WHY in the world on THAT particular day, months after our Facebook perusing she would choose to make him a card, I was reminded about how Jesus told us to be like little children.

See, the adult in me was like:

• “What kind of psycho just reaches out randomly to say, ‘hey my kid made you a card’.”  
• “I can’t send this!”
• “I haven’t even talked to him for months.”
• “I haven’t seen him for decades.”
• “How do I even begin to ask for his address?”
• "He doesn't even know my daughter..."
• "Crazy Jesus freak. She knows nothing about me."

And as these doubts ran through my mind, I heard it—that soft voice that I knew wasn’t from fear but rather the Holy Spirit saying, “Hey Carrie. Yeah, it’s not about YOU. Tom needs some encouragement.”  Yes, His voice is soft but He usually is pretty blunt with me. 

By the way, the inside of the card read:

“I’m Carrie’s daughter. She told me all about you. I am praying for you.”

Placed on her heart that day was to use her time in Kids Church to send a card of encouragement to someone who needed it. She chose Tom. Someone she’s never met. Someone she has only seen in pictures. Someone who has no significance to her but was a dear friend of my past.

No hesitation. No fear. No second guessing.

Where adults hesitate, kids act.

And he said:

“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3

I get it. Be like little children – innocent. Open. Don’t question. Obey.

So I too put aside my doubts. I reached out, found the address and happily sent it in the mail right away. I even had a stamp in my purse, which was a rarity. Shocking!

And so, the card has opened the door for more conversations and to reconnect with a friend who was a very important part of who I am today. Oh - and the thought was appreciated. So there.

Dear Lord,

Please help me to recognize when others need encouragement. Let my response be quick and without hesitation just like my daughter's. Let me not question your direction or your timing. Create a trust in me that puts aside fears of what others might think, fear or do in order for Your will to be done.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Be careful what you ask for

...but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it  Hebrews 12:10b-11

I would much rather be talking about the great basketball game that they played, or asking how school was today or "how was dance practice?" 

Lately, it has not been these types of conversations. Sometimes (this is a duh statement), parenting is hard. 

And why is it that every time my kids make not-so-great choices, I look back to see where I went wrong. Do I not spend enough time with them? Do I not hug them enough? Do I not give them enough attention? 

Do I need to hire a 24/7 IT and video surveillance team to save them from themselves...?

And - then I remember the prayer. Not the "God, keep them safe today." Not the "God, surround them with good influences." Not the "God, please let them all just get along today." 

The big one: "God, let them become as influential to your kingdom as David, Moses, and the apostles." "God, let them be the biggest Christian voices and influencers of their generation." Yeah, I've prayed that. Often. 

Poof!! Like God is just going to magically turn them into Moses. That's what I expect; that's not how He does it. 

God allows those that he loves to fail. God allows them to hurt. God allows them to make dumb choices so they draw closer to Him. Moses killed a guy. David was a cheater and murderer. Peter was, well, Peter. 

And to watch them struggle with sin (as a parent) is painful. In order for my prayer to be answered, I will watch them be disciplined. I will watch them live with the consequences of their sins. Sometimes major consequences. And I will have to trust that God allows these things in order to answer my prayer.

That's ultimately what I've asked for, right? It's part of the package. Pray the big prayer; get the whole ugly answer.

Ok, and then it occurs to me that I'm clearly not good enough to raise kids that turn out like the heroes of faith. Like, who am I to even think that? But, I have to trust that God placed them in my care because I'm  exactly what they need to be Godly men/women of character. My own faults will bring about a desire for more in them -- I can't possibly be the perfect parent. If I were, they would have no need to seek Him. 

Parenting sometimes is awful. I'm not even in the thick of it. 

But deep down, I don't want a hedge of protection for them -- I don't want them to live in a bubble. I want them to rock this world for His glory. 

Be careful what you ask for... 

The Crown Must Win.

"Your people will need your strength and leadership. I have seen three great monarchies brought down through their failure to separate personal indulgences from duty. You must not allow yourself to make similar mistakes. And while you mourn your father, you must also mourn someone else. Elizabeth Mountbatten. For she has now been replaced by another person, Elizabeth Regina. The two Elizabeths will frequently be in conflict with one another. 

The fact is, the Crown must win. Must always win."  (The Crown)

Who else is watching The Crown?

The Crown is a Netflix series portraying the early life of Queen Elizabeth II. In the second episode, the King (Elizabeth's father) dies of cancer (It's history folks - sorry for the spoiler). In one scene, Elizabeth and her husband Philip are frantically trying to fly back from a worldwide commonwealth tour after they learn of her father's passing. There's tears. There's frenzy. There's silence and reflection.  

And then there is a moment...Elizabeth is grieving for the loss of her father and looking for comfort from her husband. Slowly a revelation of reality washes across her face --- the moment that it hits her --who she was, is no more. 

Moments prior, she was a newlywed. A carefree young mother. Frolicking from country to county on royal "business" but not carrying the responsibilities that her destined title requires. That would be down the road after many years of mentorship from her father. She smiles. She laughs. Eventually a leader but far in the future. Life is good. 

And then, in one instant, she is someone else. 

Not just anyone else. She's queen. The Queen. A woman leading a nation. A woman who can have anything she wants at the snap of her fingers. But every decision, every action, every non-action now have far-reaching implications for millions of people. She is no longer her own.

She doesn't smile. Instead, there is soberness in her eyes - a fleeting acknowledgment that everything has changed. The office that God destined to her as future heir is here, ready or not.   

Her grandmother, a former queen, pens these words of knowledge in a letter: "For she has now been replaced by another person, Elizabeth Regina. The two Elizabeths will frequently be in conflict with one another."

And how true is that? Prior to becoming a Christ-follower, life was about me. All about me. And in a moment, one decision, that changed. I became an heir. I became an adopted child of the King. As joyous as that was, there's also a reality that my life was no longer mine.  

Yet, how often does the pre-Jesus woman bubble up and wrestle the Christ-following woman? Constantly. I still want things (me, me, me) at a snap of a finger.

The apostle Paul struggled with this as well:

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. Romans 7:21-23

But Elizabeth must live differently. I must live differently. Because every decision, every action, every inaction have long reaching implications on His kingdom. The kingdom that I am to lead others to.

Like Elizabeth whose crown has not been placed on her head, we walk through this earth with the sobering reality that we too live for someone other than ourselves. As royal heirs to a kingdom that has yet to be obtained, knowing who we are drives us purposefully away from personal indulgences that do not glorify the most Sovereign. 

I will not mourn my old self. 

The fact is the crown must win. Must always win.

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